Thursday, August 25, 2011

my baby is a hoover

Something is wrong. I don't think I have a human baby. She is some sort of demon vacuum dressed up like a precious baby girl.

Baby S has the most powerful suck ever possessed by a baby, coupled with a desire to suck anything in front of her. Great when the nipple is there. Bad for her toys, the rug, her hands, my hands, my arms, my back, my legs, my stomach, and anything else that gets in her way.

Woe to the person who accidentally puts an unassuming piece of flesh in her eyesight.

I am covered in brickeys (breastfeeding hickeys). Not only on my arms, but on my upper chest. The problem is that it is quite hot out, so I don't want to wear a turtleneck to work. I feel the need to wear a sign around my neck alerting my co-workers to the fact that these are brickeys, that I was not up late making out with my teenage boyfriend in the back of my parents car past curfew.

Ladies. This is ridiculous.

How funny that Toddler B had such a weak suck that she couldn't breastfeed? Baby S soaked up all that extra sucking power that was left in my womb, making her super sucker breastfeeder extraordinaire.

So yeah, I'm not complaining. Just got to get to work on that sign now.

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