My partner thinks I have magic boobs.
Ok, I agree with him most of the time. I have these two things on my body that manufacture milk that is the sole nourishment of my baby. How cool is that?
What annoys me is when my magic boobs are supposed to cure everything. I can't tell you how many times I've heard this: Just put her on your boob and then she'll feel better/ fall asleep/ stop being crabby/ etc.
Frustrating. Why? Because it doesn't always work. Just because I "put her on my boob" doesn't mean she'll fall asleep. Just because I "put her on my boob" doesn't mean that she'll instantly be happy. Sometimes she just doesn't want to eat! What do I do then? Wave my magic boob in her face and mutter abracadabra?!?
I've realized this is his way to get out of all sorts of undesirable baby situations. Baby crying? Well, I can't fix it because I don't have boobs. Here- you take her. You have the magic boobs. Frustrating, annoying, and sometimes fight-worthy. How I wish that he could breastfeed, so I could do the same thing to him. He doesn't understand how I feel, or at least, he claims not to (when convenient).
If only I did have magic boobs. I'd wave them around, shooting glitter out of them a la Sleeping Beauty. Granting wishes for babies far and wide. Spreading calm and happiness across the land.
No, I just have regular boobs. Not magic, but pretty special and amazing anyways.