Friday, August 19, 2011

i can breastfeed!

I'll never forget the moment that Baby S latched on and started to feed. 

I think it's a moment that every mother remembers, but it was especially poignant for me. My first baby, Toddler B, had a mountain of feeding problems due to her special needs. Breastfeeding her was a frustrating struggle that was never completely resolved, and led to me having to exclusively pump to get her the breast milk she needed.

When I was pregnant with Baby S, I had the same worry off and on for the full nine months: Would I be able to breastfeed this baby? I wanted it so much. All of my mama girlfriends had had few problems breastfeeding their children, and I wanted to be like them. Have some degree of normalcy. I envied the easy way that they fed their children, the intimacy that they had. In some ways, I needed this validation for myself- I am normal. I can feed my child in the way that I was built to.

Fast forward to birth. Painful but relatively quick birth- nothing out of the ordinary there. She was born and plopped onto my chest. I spent some time crying at her perfection, at the emotion of meeting my child for the first time.

After a bit I asked the nurse nervously, "When should I try to feed her?" She responded that now was as good a time as any. I tried to be calm, to not think about the worries that plagued me. I put her little mouth next to my breast, and just like that- she latched on and started to suck.

I cried and laughed at the same time. So easy- she ate like an expert. I was breastfeeding! I looked up at my partner and midwife, who were smiling and emotional as well. A fear lifted from my heart and flew away.

I still marvel at it- I can breastfeed! It's a beautiful feeling.


  1. Kudos to you for pumping for Toddler B. Pumping takes a lot of work. I'm just doing it to build up my freezer stash for when I return to work next week. I'm already tired of all that cleaning and pump holding. I'm glad you had such an easy latch with Baby S. Sounds beautiful.

  2. Just got tears in my eyes. Such a great memory for you and Baby S.!

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