which way to the breastfeeding room?

Photo courtesy of Acme

The public feeding. Always a source of tension for me, especially lately- Baby S has decided that she will not feed if she has something over her. No matter how hungry she is.

I've tried all kinds of lightweight scarves and blankets, and nothing goes. She needs to see my face. At best, she will eat a little bit and then start playing with the scarf and smiling. At worst, she will refuse to latch and start screaming.

I've wondered, is it me? Is she catching my nervousness and anxiety at whipping my boobs out in public?

I know better, I should know better. I know that breastfeeding is a natural, normal act. All mammals do it. Most of the women around me do it, or have done it, or will do it. It is my legal right to do it, whenever, where ever I want. So why do I still get anxious about it?

I try to find a good spot to do it. Today, we were at a huge, crowded street fair. I was able to find a small side street with an unoccupied bench in the shade- score! We were able to feed relatively alone and stress-free.

Fast forward to later, when we couldn't even find a restaurant with an empty table. Baby S was inconsolable. My breasts were leaking and my stress levels were rising with each shriek. Oh, how I wish I could have just sat down on the curb and whipped one out in front of all those people! Or that there were a breastfeeding-dedicated tent, like the ones provided by Mom's Breastaurant!

But I couldn't, and there wasn't, so we finally made it back to the car, where I felt comfortable, and she was able to feed in peace.

Now I am stuck with the feeling that I never want to leave the house. Why can't everywhere have a breastfeeding room?!?